Step 2 -
There is hope, but I can't do this alone.
This step is a lifeline, but only after I realize I am drowning - in powerlessness and in unmanagability. Then I remember i have a power greater than myself and its such a relief. There is hope for me, hope for my AD, hope that I can have a good day in spite of her using. But I can't do this alone. A power greater than me comes in many forms. Sometimes its a bit of recovery literature, sometimes a friend, a meeting, a song, reading a post, or sometimes its God. As long as I am turning away from my own thinking and fear or anger and towards something greater than my illness, I can be restored to some sanity.
Lately, I'm trying to find the distinction between feeling pain & sadness, loss about the addict and being in a state of codependant crap. OK, sometimes I just have to feel sad because I am human and I really have those feelings to feel. Fine line between wallowing in self pity and feeling a feeling. Is it a matter of how long we allow ourselves to cry? (an hour? a day? 2 days?) Is it a matter of taking the correct action in spite of the feelings? Or is it about changing the feelings by changing my thinking? Ah, this is getting off topic so I'll stop.