Good to see you Frog.
"how do you think I should deal with these issues to not only cause the least amount of damage, but also teach them strong healthy boundaries and beliefs?"
Recovery is good at any age, IMHO. "A journey of 1000 miles begins with one step."
Alanon is a great starting point, for you. Alateen for the children...they have books for the younger kids, I've heard. It doesn't matter that your husband "uses" instead of drinking. These services are still here for you to use.
After trying different meetings to see which one is "comfortable" to you...getting at least 6 meetings (going with friends or alone, ect).
Maybe counseling for you if you find that you need something more than alanaon to help you with expressing your anger...whichs NEEDS to be expressed...in a healthy way so that you don't have so much anger built up that it "just comes out". ...then, you can more appropriately pick what to share and discuss with the children and what to "leave out."
"They were distracted and acted as though all in the world was fine...they are getting used to it, he follows through about 1 in 10 things. I'm glad they are not devistated each time...but they aren't because they are learning not to trust???? They had fun and it didn't come up anymore that night...because they are learning not to talk about it??"
In my experience, the answer to this was Yes. I learned not to trust my parents and I learned not to talk about it. Is this true in your situation?...Is this happening to your kids?
I will say learning what our choices *do* to our children is tough...super tough...but it is the truth and your kids are lucky that they have a mom who is educating herself on these issues.....Your children have also learned possitive things from your example by removing yourself from "the addicted" environment. Hang in there and keep coming back to learn more about acoa.