i am so physically sick today that i called in sick....even tho that's the last thing i wanted to have to do after only barely returning from medical leave and after struggling the past two weeks to keep up as it is. But....i can't help it. Each morning it's been more and more of a struggle to get up and out of bed.
In the middle of the night last night i had go the bathroom and upon making it there i thought to myself, "i feel like a drunkard who's severly hung-over and yet still drunk at the same time."
Walking was sooooo difficult and my whole body hurt...and my balance is a little off too. Luckly, i'd gone to the doctor yesterday for a breathing treatment and she said i've most likely got a virus. Dispite anti-biotics not helping much for viruses....she gave me a script anyway and i've started on it this morning.
I keep thinking, "I wonder if this is what the flu feels like?" I mean, I've always been SO frightened of getting the flu b/c it often kills asthmatics and here i've been having trouble breathing all week and had one of the worst asthma attacks of my life Tuesday morning. I've known so many people who have gotten sick after getting a flu shot that I have refused it all my life. I've never had one (unless of course I had one as a kid that i don't know about).
Anyway, no matter what i do....it seems my chest still feels tight. The breathing treatment helped for several hours yesterday, but then it was right back to feeling as i did before the treatment. Which REALLY scares me because almost exactly 8 years ago, I had been fighting something that I remember feeling similar to this....and it landing me in the ER with my most severe asthma attack ever!! After 3 breathing treatments I was still not breathing well enough to be allowed to go home so they admitted me to the hospital for 4 days where I was given breathing treatments every 4 hours. Although, I was often begging for them after only 2.5-3 hours.
That was the only time I've ever been hospitalized in my life and it sucked even more because I was admitted on the night of the millinium (sp?), the eve of year 2000. I had even quit my job for it (and also so I didn't have to work Christmas night either). So having to watch the ball drop in NY on television from a hospital bed and only my mother there with me.....that was hard for a college-aged girl!
Anyway, I guess I'm just worried b/c i've already puffed my albuteral inhalor twice this hour, and puffed my combivent inhalor twice, and took the one-dose inhalation of my Advair inhalor, and puffed on my main inhalor (an over-the-counter one that doesn't automatically send me into a bad attack if i over-dose on the thing like my prescription one does)....puffed on it at least a handful of times in the past hour..........and yet my chest still feels tight. AND ALL THIS CRAP WITHOUT ME EVEN HAVING A CIGARETTE IN A MONTH!!! GOOD GRAVY!
So, if i disappear from SR for a week or two then it's most likely b/c i've landed in a hospital bed again with not being able to breath. And if i disappear for months and months, well then i'll be looking down on you all from heaven (if i'm let in there, of course).
As for now, i'm going to take it easy, sleep, watch a movie, eat, cuddle with my cat and stay warm....if at all possible. I'm sure i'll log back on laters to give an update.
Love and hugs,
Jenna
P.S. Cinderella, if i can figure out who is parole officer is then that is a wonderful idea! Thanks.
Nandm, Thanks for the support! And i've been meanting to tell you that I really like your signature quote. It's very beautiful.