KJ - when he's not high, when he comes down he mostly sleeps, so yea he can be cranky but he's sick and yes...maybe I am in the process you were. I am fearful that next relationship won't come and i thougt when you found the one...you found the one. You know the kind when you start dating, your friends & family talk about how they've never seen you this happy.
I did think it was going to be so much better even if only pot, and not I hate pot as much as I ever did any pill. And I am resenting him...and I am asking questions and snooping and begging for change, I think it only makes him worse b/c it's just more pressure when he can barely handle the stress of a job.
I almost wish I never saw him as sober as I have...so I COULD focus on the bad, and leave it all behind. I am at a point where I need to move on. But I am a sucker and he cleans up and I give in everytime I have tried to leave. And then I feel worse about myself again b/c I didn't stick to my guns. It is a disgusting cycle.And smoking pot in my house - (his as well) is not acceptable and I keep repeating it and the craphead that he is just dismisses it b/c he needs it to get through the day.
anvilhead - you're right I am very confused right now and a total contradiction. I want to validate why I love him, why I haven't given up, I want to know this wasn't all for nothing. And at other times I absolutely despise him and I cannot believe I would associate with such a careless, deceitful liar. But I know he's trying. I'm just not sure I can stick it out...because I am hating myself as much as he hates himself. Very unhealthy... hence todays visit.