Why do I worry so much? Why can't I just drop it all and walk away? Why do I even care? What am I so scared of that I can't just walk out tonight? Why do I let this crap worry me....it irritates the living hell out of me.
Why? Easy we are all caring people who honestly see the light at the end of the tunnel for our partners. We see recovery in them when all they can see is darkness.
The hard part is they keep doing things that wear down our good will and after time our desire to care is whittled away to nothing leaving us with memories of better days and hopes that were shattered beyond compare.
One time my AW and I were in Colorado for a friends party and this was a month before I found out how bad her drinking was. Her friend had a wine party and everyone there was hammered. Partying went on until the wee hours but I knew we had to drive back to IL the next day so I was responsible and called it an early night. I woke up at 5:30 and heard my wife in the next room then I heard mens voices. I cracked open the door and there she was with just a wet, white T-Shirt on sitting on the couch with 2 guys in just their underwear. By her story they got drunk decided to hit the hot tub, no suit so skinny dip, one guy made a move and she turned him down. I was devastated and hurt beyond belief. She doesn't think it was a big deal since nothing happened and that hurt even more.
I look back now and realize this could be any given night, it could go much further and it may have and she doesn't even remember it. The alcohol has taken away her common sense about what is right and wrong and blinds her as to what needs to be done to save herself and our marriage. They all get this way and like many have said it takes hitting rock bottom before they finally open their eyes and see the destruction they have left behind them in their wake.