Thank you all, yeah we got the locks changed tonight, decided enough is enough, he came back 3 more times tonight and finally after a friend of mine came over I felt strong enough to open the door ( 6'7" always looks better when your 5'10" and he's only 6'4" but he likes intemidating plus I needed him to truely understand it is over could of been a dirty meeting but it wasn't) told him we were done and I wanted my keys back he looked up and seen J and he handed them right over and his parting shot which once would of filled me with fear when I was with JR only made me look at him with more pity in my eyes than ever, he said we would never be done I would always come back to him and I pray to God he is wrong.....
Dee, you made metioning about taking steps and how we deal with things you know the changes, and they were so small I didnt even realize them until this weekend, it seems funny that now my life is abou triggers and it is about boundries and red flags......before even though I knew what the were I didn't KNOW what they are and were in my life, Godfather tonight hit it on the head, how can an intelligent woman keep sabotging herself repeatedly with men and herself???? maybe he is right maybe I am selling myself short because I am afraid to suceed.........interesting out look onn it though!!!!
Thank you all for your words just really messed up right now and trying to sort things out, at least this time it isnt God's or my faults......I have accepted it enough to know that it is for a reason but it isnt up to me to know why right at this moment, maybe one day my HP will reveiel to me why I have had this happen repeatedly......maybe one day I will be strong enough to honestly deal with the truth!
As for the drugs yeah I am missing it with a passion I talked with my Godfather for an hour and 45 minutes tonight and at one point we had to quit talking because my belly was burning from the coke in it............I could feel the burn even though I had used nothing!!!!!
By the grace of My HP I am getting ready to go to bed clean tonite...........
Handing down day 232!!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Pamm
Baby Girl
Spitfire