Hi newcomer...
Welcome to SR !
I divorced my exah a little over two years ago. We have a 9 yr old little boy together so I will never be able to completely disentangle myself from him. I carried alot of debt out of our marriage...most of it in MY name only because by the time my ex had fallen into his addiction, his credit rating was shot and I was the only one who could borrow the money we needed to keep our home out of foreclosure, food on the table, and decent day care for our son so I could continue to work without having to worry if our son was well cared for.
I resented it like crazy. I lost alot of sleep over the fact that I was raising our son on my own entirely without any help from him financially in addition to having to pay off debt that I incurred as direct result of his drug use. I eventually had to give our marital home to the bank and walk away with nothing to show for 10 years of home ownership. I also had to declare bankruptcy to discharge most of the other debts and I was still stuck with $40,000 in loans that I took out against my retirement that will take me another two years to pay off. So I completely understand what you are saying when you say you don't want to get left holding the bag financially and that you find yourself engaging in conversations with him because its what you feel you must do in order to get him to pay his share of things...
The only thing I can say is this...Its only money. Try to consider the whole episode as a very costly lesson and accept the fact that your bf probably won't carry his end of the load. Do what you can to minimize the financial damage that will ensue and then let the chips fall where they may. I know this sounds so incredibly unfair...and it is...it really is...but you can't control his financial problems any more than you can control his drug use. They are one and the same. The only thing you can do is learn from your past mistakes and do what you can to get out of this mess as best as you can.
I hope I"m not making it sould like its an easy thing to do because it isn't. But it all comes back to acceptance. Accept that he is an addict and accept that he is everything that goes along with this condition...irresponsible, financially unstable, incapable of managing his affairs, etc etc etc. But the biggest and most difficult thing to accept (at least for me) was the fact that I had allowed the situation to occur. I stayed with someone in active addiction for what I thought were noble reasons at the time...preserving our family, getting my son's dad well, etc etc etc...but in doing this, I helped dig a deep financial hole for myself. Ouch ! Tough lesson but one worth learning. When I accepted my role in the problem, I found it a little easier to deal with the consequences...
Sending hugs and understanding your way...:ghug