While I am not an alcoholic, I am a drug addict and I can tell you that I use to treat my ex the same way. He thought that I flaunted it and honestly I probably did but I really didn't mean to. And I always thought that I did such an amazing job at hiding it, that I was a functioning addict. And I really didn't care what he thought, I really didn't care what anyone thought. Addicts and alcoholics will rarely change for other people, we feed on selfish actions. And I cannot imagine how that feels for you to be to terrified to give an ultimatum because you are afraid of the outcome. It really isn't fair. And I'm sorry that I used to treat people the same way. I can tell you though and it took me a while to understand this, as pissed off as you get at your wife and as desperate as you feel, you must come to find that it is not her you are angry with. It is her poison of choice. The alcohol is what controls her. I sincerely hope that she comes to realize how much she is hurting herself and you.