Welcome to SR.... Glad that you found us and I look forward to getting to know you.
You said....
but I do not like men unless they are self sufficient and strong. And open and honest... This doesn't necessarily sound like an alcoholic, does it?
Ok... Im going to say this a gentely as I can.... and please remember I do say this out of love. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Alcoholics are rarely self sufficient and strong…. And they are not usually open and honest without a lot of revcovery and a strong program….. and it sounds like your new love is in early soberity. Now let me tell you … they are masters of being what they think you want and being dishonest on who they are and what they feel and think…. As awful as it sounds…. I would strongly suggest that you guard your heart because rarely is a newly sober Alcoholic able to give you anything that you will need or want in a romantic relationship.
I started to date a recovering Alcoholic over a year ago and he had a couple years sober…. Let me tell you that when it came to romantic relationships he did not have the slightest of what was happening, his feelings, his soberity, his recovery, his intentions…. You name it. He is a
great guy.. but honestly this has been a really rough road. I don’t imagine that yours will be any less of a tough time. Im
VERY attracted to Alcoholics… my whole life has been one relationship or another with Alcoholics and It is not easy …. My most current relationship has been one of the most loving and amazing … but it has also hurt… very deeply and has been full of growth for both of us. We are together today but it could easly have gone the other way. Im happy to say that today we are doing great!.... but that is after his breaking my heart, more then a few breakups and my working a program harder then I have ever worked before. I use open AA meetings, theraphy, Al-anon and CoDA. Loving an Alcoholic is not easy… and the relationship is one of the hardest you will have.
My thoughts would be to listen to what he is saying and not get sucked into the thought process that you can “save” him. Be prepared to work very hard on yourself, why you are attracted to someone with these type of issues… work on your recovery and the tools you will need to live in a Alcoholic relationship, Alcoholism does not end because they don’t drink…. Actually that is when the harder work begins. It is possible to have an amazing and deeply loving relationship… but it is not an easy path and you really should look at all angles if you choose this person to make a life commitment too hon.
Hang out and check out the stickies.... There is so much wisdom and love on these boards ... Im always humbled by the people here.... and Im sure you will also receive the love and wisdom they have to offer.