I understand that PAWS is a fluctuating phenomenon (and I might get the symptoms again [especially if stressed] - but probably to a lesser degree than originally experienced) that, in the majority of cases, follows an incrementally improving course. However, my experience of PAWS is far less of a burden than the scary picture painted by the articles I discovered on the Internet.
I'm gonna break one of my 'inner rules' and go ahead and talk about this, since it seems to be something bothering you.
I usually choose not to talk about PAWS because I feel it might discourage a newcomer or something. I don't know where I GOT that idea, it just seemed like a wise thing at the time. YOu know - being all selfless and all that crap.
After a year and a few months -
if you startle me -
I'm the POSTER CHILD for PAWS.
The people I work with -
Know more about it ... than *I* do.
They see it all the time.
Because they work with me.
They know I'm in recovery.
After a year here -
any little 'PAWS' thing is now officially a 'barb' thing.
How'd all the pens get in this drawer?
Ohhhh. BARB worked last night....
that kind of thing.
I'll tell ya one thing -
learn to laugh at it.
May as well.
Because there's apparently nothing that can be done about it.
It's brain damage.
Pure and simple.
A scratch on the great DVD in our heads.
Scary?
Hell yeah.
Becauwse I don't know what I don't know any more.
Until I remember I've forgotten it.
DO people stop drinking when they hear about it?
Nope.
Would I have?
Nah.
I had it so bad when I detoxed, I had to be trained to do this job three count em three times. And I've done this work off and on for almost twelve years.
If I get excited talking to someone about a topic I'm passionate about- I will suddenly forget words. If I get excited here online - I become TYPEZILLA ... unable to type without misspelling every other word.
If we meet in person - dont even bother telling me your name.
I won't remember it.
For months.
But I'll never forget your pets names if I meet them.
Dont' tell me where something is by telling me the street.
Tell me what's on the corner.
Tell me what bar it's near.
Then I can find it.
Some of these 'behaviors' I've had all my life ...
(I'm sorry, Miz Dwyer - I dropped the baby)
But I often wonder,
was it the acid, or was it the booze?
did we live too close to the power lines -
(hey look! a penny!)
did I really sit too close to the tv?
you mean that was true?
or was it all the atom bombs they blew up in the fifties...
WIll it ever go away?
Well, I think NandM just cleared that one up for me.
Yep -
may as well learn to laugh.
otherwise - I'm just gonna get really pissed off.