herdaughter

My mother is an alcoholic, though to hear her say it, it's our fault she drinks. My grandfather (father's father) just died this week, and she refused to go to the funeral to offer familial support. Instead, she called repeatedly, asking my father why we hadn't put "that man" in the ground yet, what was taking us so "f-ing" long, and that if my father wouldn't hurry home, she'd "f" another man. She kept calling my grandmother's house. My uncle answered once and my mother left him in tears.

I don't understand.

I called her today to see how she was doing and we had a heated argument. I didn't disrespect her or raise my voice, but my heart was racing in my chest. If I didn't fear God, I would have loved do let her hear my anger and wrath. I chose to do my best to keep His commandment to honor my mother.

She hung up on me when I told her that none of the reasons she gave seemed relevant or legitimate in her deciding not to go to the funeral. I told her that she needs to try to stop making everyone else responsible for her drinking and take responsibility for the fact that what she wants, in truth, is just be alone and drink. That it's her choice.

She told me that i was the child. She was the parent. That I didn't know sh^t. Then she hung up on me.

I tried calling her back...but not to make anything "right." I wanted to tell her that I no longer desire to have a relationship with her. That I think any relationship with her would be damaging as long as she refuses treatment.

I feel I don't have a mother.

She never answered.

Reading your email, I think that it's best she didn't answer.

There's a gun in her house.

I prayed to God in faith that He would heal her.
I'm looking to Him.
I don't know what to do.
I'm often angry.