I have been lucky that my AW doesn't get like this but she will yell, slam her hand on the counter, stop her foot,etc. It scares the kids to death when she does it.
I applaud you for keeping calm. I try to do this with my AW and there are times I want to yell and scream back at her but I am a firm believer that yelling only begets more yelling.
I am at the point where I am giong to sit down with my daughter, who is also 11, and talk to her about Mommy Jeckle and Mommy Hyde.
I find it interesting I tell my daughter constantly about saying "No" to drugs, etc. yet here I have a perfect opportunity to show her how badly things can get without realizing it and I have failed to make the connection with her.
Things may not last much longer between me and my AW and I fully plan on telling my children the open honest truth. This...is what can happen if you let something take control of your life.