Thanks all! A most warm welcome.
I appreciate all the insight and I also appreciate the reading list. Rest assured I'm heading that way.
Now I know you probably get this a lot around here. Odds are I'm just firmly entrenched in denial. I don't feel like I need her to complete me. YOu know, I feel nice and fully resolved in my personal sense of self. Most days I am confident, sure, gregarious, and actually reallysharp. Granted, I am hardly following the steps as I know them. Still learning there.
It's more I think that I am caught up in the romantic ideal of a marriage open and trusting and acceptance that we still have trouble with sometimes. I honestly feel guilty wanting to talk about past hurts and that I'm doing our marriage a disservice by dwelling on those things. We're fine now, why rock the boat sort of thing. Also, I feel like I can't go into detail because I don't want people thinking less of her.
Ya know, the more I read this the more I'm noticing I'm defending and excusing her behaviour a lot. Got a ways to go eh?