When/If you leave, there's a stage I experienced inbetween. After extreme chaos, it seems alien and maybe boring. It's like there's a monstrous void in there, even though you're at peace. Maybe it's chaos withdrawal! Then you get used to the peace, start rebuilding, and you realize that you LIKE the peace. In fact, when friends of my XABF would call with the occasional update, I would feel my anxiety level rise, and the stress backaches threaten. Then the calls were gone, and I really find peace.
Good luck to you ... I know it's an awful decision, and if you put your foot down, maybe the decision will be made for you. But trust me, once you experience the peace, I hope you'll crave it more than the chaos.