Alice Kate, I am so sorry for your pain. Your story is so similar to mine. My AH told me one time that when he is drinking, nothing else matters. Not me, our relationship - none of it. I guess they just decide to check out. Then the addiction takes over and they become different people. We have to take care of ourselves. I'm told it becomes less painful with time and I think I can see that happening for me and I hope it happens for you, too. R.