I can definitely relate to your post. My ex and I never ate at the same time. I couldn't wait until he was finished drinking or had passed out. Same experience with the smoking. I don't smoke and didn't want to just hang out in the garage to be with him. He didn't want to be inside to just entertain me.
Toward the end, we really were roommates. I had detached and just lived my life until we sold the house. I was much more calm, too as you said. When I only took care of myself, it was much easier.
Sounds like you are making progress!