Welcome to SR, Kay. This is your first post and you are miles ahead of where I was when I arrived here, even with some recovery under my belt.
I resisted going to my own meetings, I resisted reading Codependent No More (a wonderful book that we recommend) and didn't buy a copy until I knocked over a whole display of it in a book store. Why should I have to do anything when he (my addicted son) was the one with the problem?
One day someone challenged me on that and said "If HE is the one with the problem, why is it YOU are so sick and emotionally unsettled?" That's when I realized that I had a part in all this, not in his addiction but in my own way of handling life.
I went to meetings, got a sponsor, began working a wonderful program that has made all the difference in my life today, and came here and stuck around for going on 6 years.
Today my life is beautiful and I feel blessed in so many ways. My son is still lost in his addiction somewhere, but I store my sadness in a special place in my heart right next to hope and faith. Each day I ask God to take care of my son, then live my life well trusting that He will.
Learning to take care of ourselves, no matter what, is what this program is all about. It doesn't happen overnight, but the important thing is that it does happen, sometimes by baby steps and sometimes by grand epiphanies, but it happens and we begin to get better.
Glad you joined us and I'm happy to walk with you on this journey of recovery.
Hugs