I went through the same thing and still have my "days" where I can not settle in my soul.
It seems like I was almost worse for a while after she started to get better.
So then it was time to look in the mirror to see why.
I don' think we are ever the same, just a different version of ourselves.
I try to stay focused on just this day in fromt of me.
Glad we have this place to come to to share and read and learn.