Epiphany
Please let me know if my posting etiquette is bad. I have never been on a forum before. I just realized I have a lot of threads. Here it goes. I was driving to work this morning (1 hour each way is a long time to reflect). I have been making this way to complicated. My reasons for being here are my own. I know that every night I consume large amounts of alcohol. I know that I smoke a pack of ciggs a day. I also know that no matter why I do this or if it causes me a lot of horrific problems (because up until now, it has had no real effects my on life being productive and happy), that it WILL kill me if I do not stop. The effects it’s having on my body are not seen yet. I still am a young, attractive, and outgoing woman. I am also not blind to the fact that this to shall pass; one day I will see the effects. My father just had a triple bypass, and that is were I am headed. Maybe not that particular surgery, but my health will fail me if I continue. My son does not deserve this, nor any of my family. It is self destructive and selfish. And this is were the addictions take over, after saying all that to myself I still continue to drink and smoke. I do not know what it will take to make me quit. I pray that it will not take the worse case scenario. I pray that God gives me strength to overcome. For me I have learned by being here, and I think I always knew this, that just having someone to talk to helps me tremendously. If I continue to open up to people and let them in (and let myself out) then I will beat these addictions. Evil cannot live in the light. I have learned this many times before in my life. I will continue to post and I will work up the nerve to go to those meetings. I appreciate all of the understanding.
Patty
PS. That felt really good to say.