This is from an email I sent to my son a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about relationships and lessons and growth and stuff......
One lesson was that actions that start in guilt, end in resentment. Big
lesson.
One lesson is that actions that induce guilt are not done out of love,
but out of manipulation and the need to control.....even if unknowingly.
Big lesson.
One lesson is that depression is just anger without enthusiasm. When I
am good and pissed it gives me the incentive to move forward. When the
crisis passes, I slump back into that state of miserable tolerance. I
always had to get angry before I could actually get up the nerve to do
anything positive. I am trying to learn to change before I have to
create a crisis. Big lesson.
One lesson is that sometimes love just isn't enough.....sad, but true.
And the biggest lesson is that I am the most important person in my
life. If I don't put myself first, nobody else will. I deserve to be
happy. I deserve to pursue a life that is productive while still being
gentle, safe and joyful. I deserve to live my life in a way that allows
me to love myself and feel good about my life. Huge lesson.
One of the really good things that has come out of all our family heartache is that we actually do talk about important stuff now. Perhaps my sons will not make the same mistakes that I have..... One can only hope.
Babs