Dealing with reality
Figured I would just share where I am at right now in hopes it can straighten out my thoughts. I just passed 4 months of not drinking. I won't say sobriety because I think I have a ways to go on that. Anyway, it looks like I will be single soon. I have been married for 13 years and the wife has had enough. 4 months ago I was "caught" once again sneaking my favorite drink. I have lied to her and hid it from her for at least 10 years. She always seems to catch me and I always promise I will get help. I am sincere about it until the urge hits me again and I think "I will just get a small buzz since it is such a nice day." That usually starts me on about a 3 or 4 day run (if I'm lucky). I love her wiht all of my heart and never wished to hurt her. Even though I have not drank for 4 months, she says that she can't trust me anymore. It is devastating to me as I don't know if I can fix this one. If only I could turn back time. I have 2 teenagers and have to figure out what I am going to do. I am 39 and feel as if this is the end of me. She told me yesterday and I really wanted to drink but I knew that whatever pain I was feeling would be twice as bad if I drowned it in drink. I am pretty down now but just wanted to get my thoughts out. She has online friends she chats with all the time but I have no one to vent/talk to so I am using this forum to get it out. Thanks for listening.