Hi PinkUnicorn and welcome to this forum. I think you will find much inspiration here based on the experiences of others because I certainly did. I also found courage to take control of my life and once I took control I could see hope.
I have never attended Al-Anon but I understand from reading here that it can provide much needed real life support. As for the religious aspect of the meetings, I thought that your Higher Power (HP) can be anything of YOUR choosing. I remember reading on the Alcoholism board that somebody said your HP can be a tree if you choose. I don't think AA or Al-Anon force anything...it would be counterproductive to the ethos of the 12 step programme.
One book which really helped me is Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie. It addresses the behaviour of the co-dependent/enabler in a relationship with an addict and shows you how you can live life for you on your terms. The book won't tell you what to do but it will make you aware that you have choices and control over your life.
I tried to talk to XABF too but with no success. The A will listen only when he/she is ready to listen.
ARL