New here...
...but not to dealing with alcoholism in my family and life.
I wanted to join because I need someone to talk to. Someone not in my life right now because, as is usual, this is all mostly a secret and I don't like to talk about it. I don't want judgment about me or my partner.
Quickie history...grew up with an alcoholic (and drug using at times) father and recovering alcoholic grandmother. Have had a series of alcoholic or otherwise addicted partners all of my adult life. The one that wasn't an alcoholic or drug addict? Bulimic. So, for whatever reason I am still in this cycle.
My current situation. My father is now a recovering alcoholic. I have 2 kids of my own and a step-child. My current partner is an alcoholic. A pretty high functioning one in the "outside world" but not really at home. There is no violence, but she becomes argumentative, defensive and, quite frankly, mean when she's drunk. She is always apologetic and "good" the day after only to go right back to it the day after that. She likes to come up with excuses as to why she "needed" to drink.
I'm feeling very sad right now. I don't want our marriage to end. But I also don't want it to continue as it is. I am more lonely lately than I ever was when I was single. I am trying to get up the nerve to talk to her this weekend (kiddos are off with the grandparents), but I'm VERY nervous.
I can't attend any of our local Al-anon meetings because of both my schedule and the fact that I'm agnostic and all of ours have a very religious bent to them that doesn't work for me.
So, now I'm off to read all of the other entries...hoping to get inspiration, courage and, dare I dream, hope.