Crazy relapse experience - lesson learned
I just thought I would share this bit of experience with ya'll.
I get together with a bunch of friends in recovery quite often. We were all in rehab together for 4-5 months and we're all really close. We're all at around 6-9 months sober - give or take, variety of drugs of no choice - booze, crack, pills, etc.
We meet at this one coffee shop one night (just like every other night). I get there first and grab a table. Two gals arrive and one is drunk. I can smell it on her immediately. I'm looking at the other one for some indication of if she knows or not or what's up. I'm not really getting any discernable signals from her. I say nothing, for now.
Others arrive shortly thereafter. There's 6 of us plus the one drunk gal. As folks arrive, I can tell by expressions on their faces that most are aware that our friend is drunk. No one really says anything right away, though there are some side comments to that effect that she can't hear (there's live music every night at this place so it's kinda loud).
The drunk gal goes to the bathroom. No one has any idea what to do! They did not cover this in rehab. And by this time I'm having a full blown panic attack because I don't know what to do either. The big thing complicating everything is that she lives in a sober house and will be kicked out for drinking.
We chat a little about it. Another gal that lives with her calls a housemate asking what we should do. Drunk girl didn't drive there herself so there's no worries about her getting into a car and driving.
She gets back from the bathroom and another housemate of hers asks her if she has been drinking and SHE DENIES IT. Immediately I say bulls**t and we all know she's drunk. We all add that everyone has been there before (we're all chronic relapsers who have been in treatment 3+ times) and all we want to do is help in any way we can.
She goes silent for a minute and then steps outside. A few go with her, a few stay. Eventually they wind up bringing her back to the sober house for a discussion with the house manager, etc. Another friend who wasn't there with us and lives on her own comes to pick her up to take her back to her place.
This was over a week ago now and we've had lots of time to discuss with sponsors and others about how to handle this kind of thing. Essentially, the consensus is to do nothing unless the relapser wants help. There's nothing to be done. I have also talked with a counselor of mine from when I was in treatment. They don't cover this stuff because they don't teach you to take care of others. It's about taking care of yourself.
Had she been driving that night, things would have been very different. I think I, if no one else, would have called police had we not been able to stop her from driving. But short of her potentially harming someone or herself, there's nothing to be done.
It goes like this - You're drunk, we know it. We're here if you want help. If not, good luck to you. And that's what we learned.