Thanks Dee. You always help me to feel better.
Update:
I went to the dr. He is ok without me starting any meds right now. He understands my aversion to them and since he saw me through detox he understands my fear of pills.
He is a different type of psych dr than I have ever seen. He also does regular talk therapy. He thinks (and I agree) that the panic I feel when thinking about being left alone comes from my childhood. So I am going to start somemore talk therapy. (oh joy) I have done quite a bit in the past but haven't had any therapy since this period of sobriety.
I am pissed at how much my upbringing is still screwing with my life. It amazes me what our family of origins can do to us.
I am very thankful that I have all of you and my homegroup. Thanks again.