Hi Vic,
I so can relate to your feelings right now...sooo much so its hard to even start it up and tell you so.
I too have taken meds, and at times i felt they where more of the problem than my own addictions and mental sufferings....One time i ran out of my paxil and the next day all i did was cry and cry and i didnt know why!...i do know that meds lift your serotonin levels and if your on a high dose for a long time and then go without you DO get withdrawals.
I have been off all medications for 2 years now and seriously reconsidering do to the face that I just try and try again and still feel myself doing the same as you...looking at 4 walls trying to get the courage to face the world and all its demons......I do try veryhard to stay positive and to get up after ive been kicked down...but im finding the more i do try to open my heart the more i seem to get hurt...now the controversy is...ok i can stay at home, not get involved with anyone keep to myself and be safe..but also lonely and more depressed im sure....or i can keep trying, and remember that i am a good person, and yes ther are a lot out there that will take advantage of that, but all i can do is keep trying...if i dont i know this will lead to numbness, and that my friend is something i never want again in my life.....So know you are not alone, though it sure as hell seems like it dont it?