NWillis,
I have said some outrageous things in the grips of codependent anxiety also. Please don't give that a second thought, and know that it probably wasn't even heard or remembered by your A. We are not perfect, we have been majorly affected by this person's disease, and we have learned lessons from our own mistakes as well. It takes time to work through the healing process when one goes through a traumatic experience, so don't beat yourself up any more over this past semester. Do you have anyone at the university you can talk with, a counselor? Perhaps you can seek out someone who will not only help you through this experience but can assist you in "redoing" those classes that you didn't do well in. What about your parents? Is your relationship with your mother or father such that you could confide and let some of this terrible secret anquish out? It can be a real relief to get these experiences out to loved ones, who I have found are more supportive than I thought. I know that if my daughter came to me as broken/on the edge as you, I would be grateful that she turned to me for help and love.
I think that one day, if you decide to continue your medical career, that you will be the kind of doctor that I would like to have, one who has had a few experiences in life that weren't perfect and that has empathy for her patients whose lives are in crisis. I believe that things happen along our life path for a reason, sometimes not to be known until much later, and that these experiences that become a part of our person can have an impact on others someday. Good luck, college girl. You can survive one crappy semester, learn from it, and grow into a wonderful woman and professional. Just give yourself the time you need and the education of codependency for now.