well thanks y'all. I deeply appreciate the support. I've known all along I'm not alone, but it feels good to connect with others who have gone through similar things and came out wiser. I am hoping this experience will be like that for me. whoever said 'when it rains, it pours' was right. 2007 was not kind, my father left my mother, she lost our house and started drinking again, i had this damaging relationship, my friend and her family died in a car wreck,had to move into an apartment with 7 filthy brats, got my bike and wallet stolen, failed my academics and was told by my adviser to quit,, etc etc. sometimes it feels like god put me on an anvil and hammered me until all my bones were broken; but maybe to really know ourselves and realize our true potential we must first lose everything and have our ego destroyed.
...it's funny to feel like i hit rock bottom without ever being a drinker myself.
but they also say, 'what don't kill you makes you stronger.' i am taking this mantra to heart; 2008 will be the year of the phoenix(as long as my 21st birthday doesn't get too out of control...)! thanks again guys