I found that letting the anger out in safe ways to be very helpful. For instance, I'd find a place where no one could hear me and have the loud angry conversations with my AH, telling him exactly what I thought of him and his choices. Just verablizing it, with no one there helped.
Another thing I did was punch pillows. Or go for long walks.
Once the anger was more manageable, then I had talks with myself about why I was angry and what I was goingt to do to correct what I could. I made plans and set my boundaries.