still hangin' in
Day 15 today and still hanging in...the past couple of days have been tough. lots of anxiety and almost panick at times...can't really put my finger on why. still visiting relatives and there's a lot going on so i may be overly tired. last nite was very challenging...i really wanted a drink! i found myself alone at last with my girls safely tucked in bed,,,and an empty house of all other adults who had gone out to party,,,i felt like i deserved a drink....i wanted to unwind! it took a lot, but finally i just watched a little tv and ended up reading a few pages of a book before i got so drowsy...the urge went away. i get very scared thinking that i may relapse..and i just really don't want to go there...having this many days feels good, but the beginning was so hard...i don't want to go through that again. i also am afraid of that cocky voice that says i can have just a drink...i know this to be so not true!!!something happens after that first drink that i have no control over, and i am just tired of letting this poison control me! sorry to go on and on...it's just been a long couple of days... i am holidayed out!