Thanks for sharing. I am sorry you are having a such a hard time. You are all that you have. You are all that you will ever have. Others will come and go, some will stay longer than others, some will be asked to leave. It is up to us to determine who is good for us and how much of ourselves we are going to give up. I was willing to give up a whole lot more of me (codie) than I am now. I deserve more that that. My XAH went to Columbia too and I did his freaking laundry when he came home ( I have learned). The stench of the clubs was still on them. I still wonder what happened down there. I no longer want to know. I should have left then. I married him. I got a beautiful diamond, but was marrying the same alcoholic. I left my marriage 5 months into it. We were pregnant and miscarried. I think God was taking care of me when I could not take care of myself. Today, I am grateful that I don't have to raise a baby with an A. Until you are done, you will not be done. Keep posting and keep reading. SR has helped me so very much. It will help you too. Meetings are great. I found great relief in the three C's. Didn't Cause it, Cant control it, can't cure it. You can take care of you.