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You and I are in the same boat: 4 months separated, 1 daughter. Your 3-yr-old answering the phone is not at all appropriate. I don't really even like for my 10-yr-old to answer it unless I absolutely cannot get it and we can tell who is calling- caller ID. His behavior is also much like my AH- belittling him? Counseling is something we tried and ended up going through 5 of them! As soon as any of them held his feet to the fire he was out of there- and had a way of letting me know it was all my fault. I would be very careful about leaving your daughter with him for any length of time. It sounds like he is not responsible. Your gut is telling you something- as is mine. My daughter's safety and stability have to be my responsibility-even if it means protecting her from her own father.