Failure Again
So I drank again...here's what happened. I'm at Christmas Eve gathering at my house..all other adults drinking-me not, so far so good. Suddenly, don't know why I pour a small bit of red wine into the juice I'm drinking and drink it. I do this 2 more times...little splashes of wine in my juice. I know I have to bring my kids home so I stop...on the way back from dropping them off I buy and consume 3 JD mini's...return to party. The next day ( Christmas) I'm alone....new wife and step kids at her exes...I buy "just a half pint" - consume this almost in one seating and go right back out ( drunk driving again!!!) get another half pint...take several ativan with it...sleep most of the day or lounge around in a stupor..decide to not go get more and try again. Today...Day 1. I hate this....I hate the trying and failing....I hate the impulsivity and the cravings and obsesssion.....I hate liking it so much....I hate thinking about it all the time....I feel like s*** all the time....I'm just ina bad place right now...at least my kids are not home for a couple days...I am so sad confused...I don't know