So I spent those years constantly trying to get back that fantasy beginning I believed I had.
-Denny
Yup I did the same....until I started to feel too much pain going on within myself and knew the only way out was within myself and my own reach, changes, etc.
We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves-I have learned that trying to fill in the "why's" of anything is not worth my time or energy anymore-I take a step back and most times it comes to me.
I started counseling and Al-Anon again and again until I got tired of the pain and then I worked them both and live a much happier life today-It is worth a shot-
I'm sorry that you are going through this right now
keep coming back and posting there is a lot of great people/advice here in SR!