bonbon

I beleive I am posting this because I know my time limits and the fact that I truly don't get by here as much as I wish I could. I am though however going to try to get by when I can.

I have spent the past couple of days reading and re-living to an extent my past along with what you all are going through now. Part of me wants to scream runnnnnnnnn to save yourself. But we all know in reality that sometimes you just can't do that. (right away for that matter :-)

Im no expert, but I can tell you I have gotten plenty of T-Shirts from being there, and doing that!

Everyone comes here in search of something, and I can truly tell you I hope you find what your looking for, and if for whatever reason you do not, keep searching until you do, but Im 99.9% certain if you look around here you will find it.

Addiction knows no race,occupation,father,mother,siblings,or husbands,wives etc, you get the point. There is nothing you can do to solve your A's issues. There is nothing you can do to change his/her drinking or DOC. There is also no amount of love from either you or their kids that can change what they choose to do. Its just their choice. Its just that simple. Yes it will change who they are, down to the type of person you "once" knew, and yes that will hurt those that love them. It may even hurt you to the core. They will say mean things, sleep with other men/women just for the hell of it, miss work,quit jobs,not be the parent you want them to be, when they drink/use it can be the difference between night and day, and you cling onto the sober times thinking it will get better, that the person they are when sober is who you love. But the person they are when sober, IS that person who is sick, and needs help. Alcoholism is an evil that could care less who or how it effects, and that my friends is a hard bottom line to accept.

I still 12 years later, have a hard time accepting it. Have I learned to let it go-yes, I have. My A is deceased. He was shot 2 years ago, while drunk and high on cocaine at a party, I still thank god everyday I learned to detach from him & leave 2 years prior to him dying. I also know that man is in a better place than where he was here sick with his addiciton.

In our ten years together though, we had a daughter, (shes now 11) and I never wanted to let go, didn't want to hear that hes changed, that hes sick. What happened to that nice, compassionate hard working man I met? When I started to feel as though I was loosing my mind, I found this place. I never knew the amount of people that this disease effected, and they are everyday people like you and me. They ARE you and me.

My bottom line, is whoever YOU are when you come here, realize YOU can help yourself, and it starts with learning about this disease, learn as much as you can. Ask questions, make yourself at home. It truly will shed light and open doors you never thought would ever open, this I promise to you. Find a meeting local to you, reach out, because beleive it or not, people are right around the corner that can help. Stick around, you might just Learn eventually the true profound beauty of Letting Go, its when you do that you really become free from this disease.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes....(my favorite)

Take Care & God Bless
Bonbon