Thank you 82tb
Thank you 82tb, I really needed to hear some kind words. My whole day has been consumed with, how can this be happening? We were so looking forward to spending Christmas Day together, but this happened 5 weeks ago. It is so hard to get your head around the total change, which just came out of nowhere, with the drink. It's so hard missing the man I love so much, which is only intensified by the fact that I know due to his state of mind now, he probably doesn't even give me a second thought. And I find that so hard, considering we were so close. It's so hard to accept the fact that he can just go out now he's single and pick up someone just like that, after what we had, whereas I couldn't have anything to do wih another man right now. The thought of it sickens me. I know I need to keep remembering the fact that I'm not sick, he is. He would never behave like this when he's sober. In fact when he is sober, his own behavior thoroughly repulses him, and even he can't unserstand it! But the funny thing is I'm an actress and have had to do kissing scenes. That was just acting, and it absolutely destroyed him emotionally, but then again, he wasn't drinking then. God this is painful.
Once again thank you for your kind words. I really need them right now.