Please help me understand!
As I've said previously I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years up until recently. Before we met he used to go to bars and drink alone, pick up and sleep with girls (any - he wasn't fussy), drive the car like a mad man etc. He was cocky, arogant, obnoxious, cold, treated people like crap, you name it. After 6 months of being together, and arguing and me threatening to finish with him, he decided he wanted to stop, as he didn't want to be 'that person anymore'. For the following 2 1/2 years we had a very loving, devoted relationship. He was caring, considerate, and oh so loving and affectionate (unlike when he used to drink), and he was very protective of me, and frightened of losing me. His brand new car was his pride and joy, that he polished and cleaned all the time, yet now drinking he risks totalling it, the way he drives.
Lately I have noticed him start to get overwhelmed again with his life/work/band etc, and once again he has hit the bottle. I ended our relationship as I can't deal with him when he drinks, as he destroys me emotionally. And he has just gone back to his old life, of not giving a damn about anyone but himself, drinking, sleeping around etc.
I don't understand how he can go from loving me so intensley for 2 1/2 years when not drinking, and now that he is drinking again, not giving a damn about me at all, just like that, and not caring about the fact we arn't together anymore. When we had broke up before and he wasn't drinking, he'd be begging to get back together, and everything that was so important to him, like his band, completely went out of the window, as he said he didn't care about anything if he didn't have me? How does that happen? Please help me to understand that as it is truly killing me. In the past when he wasn't drinking he wasn't able to not have contact for more than 4 days, for fear I would meet someone else. But this time it's been 5 weeks. How can he just not care at all anymore, just because he's drinking. He knows he can't have me and drink, and I know he wants to drink right now, but I still don't understand his way of thinking. How can alcohol change someone so much, they become the opposite of themselves?
I'm sorry, it's Christmas day, my family don't live in this country, and I have spent the whole day alone, trying to make sense of things and I just can't seem to, and it hurts so much how he can just suddenly switch off to me, just because he's drinking. Please help me understand. I am hurting so much right now.
My other question is, who is he really? Is he the kind, loving, devoted guy, I have shared 3 beautiful years of my life with, when he wasn't drinking? He was so respectable and had morales, and so picky, and thought girls who sleep around were disgusting. Or is he really the person he is when he drinks - the cruel, arogant person, who will sleep with anyone now he is single again? Is that who he really is, and I have been living a complete lie for the past 3 years? Is he really this horrible person, or is this just the alcohol. I am not niave, and very perceptive, and I know I would have known if I was living a lie for 3 years. But this is so confusing to me, I really need outside opinions. Can alcohol really change someone that much?
Thank you so much, whoever replies.