Friday Night 9:30
HOLY S*** did I struggle with cravings today! I did not drink. I definitely took it moment to moment at times today though...high points-took my kids to a drive through Christmas Lights Park...and wasn't sneaking a half-pint or gripping the wheel desperately holding on until I got home and the hidden bottle and oblivion....or resenting them for wanting to go and putting me in danger of another DWI ( thats how I think)...really edgy and snappish today...surges of intense rage and anger but I didn't pour that on anybody..just took walks and smoked. Lots of anxiety and catastrophizing...doom and gloom stuff..trying to remember my feelings are real but not reality...its just how I feel. Very sensitive to light and noise ...appetite definitely back....SUGAR...I'm not gonna worry about the sugar thing too much right now but eventually I'll need to cut back...alcohol and sugar-clearly linked....compartmentalizing a boat load of guilt and shame and remorse over recent episodes....I guess what hurts the most is I lost my wedding ring during the last blackout....its the symbolism I guess, I don't know....one of these posts I'm going to need to start talking about the fear too....tomorrow day 6, Thanks All.