Letting go of shame was an important part my recovery. As long as I felt shame about my weight, appearance, abilities, choices, behaviors, worthiness, etc., I continued to settle for partners who I knew deep down were not right for me. I settled because I convinced myself that nobody else would want me.
These days when my inner voice speaks to me loud and clearly, I don't ignore or attempt to quiet it my making excuses for another person's behavior. If a man I've been dating for 2 months was already showing signs of jealously and that little voice inside my head was making me uncomfortable enough to post about it here, I'd listen carefully and trust my inner voice.
Not trusting my inner voice led to 25 years of heartache for me. Today, I refer to my inner voice as Merrill Lynch. When it talks, I listen.
I, too, see several red flags here.