looking back on it...the life with a drunk. It's a sick sick life. I can't imagine why even to this day I feel some love for that man. How is it possible I can even think that there are problems with my current relationship? Because the man actually cares what I think? Pays attention to my words and occasionally misunderstands them? For this I feel that we are possibly not suited.
Yet I took years of verbal abuse from a drunk. I repeatedly took back a man whom kept going back to his wife, HIS WIFE for heaven's sake. I took back her trash 5 times. He pitted us against each other. I let her call me up and shout the words wh__e at me. I felt I deserved all the name calling. I felt responsible for putting a roof over his head when she threw him out. i listened patiently while he'd cry about missing his son and wait while he'd visit his former home and run errands for her and occasionally not return for the night to later come see with tail between his legs and some lie that she'd with such relish in her voice reveal to me...they'd once again slept together. When I think of those things my stomach turns and I feel ashamed that I could have let that happen.
I also now feel ashamed that I let such silly things become arguments with my current boyfriend.