Originally Posted by
sketscher 
hbb, I feel like I am pushing away the same kind of guy (a guy who treats me like gold) but after the jerk that i thought I deserved and maybe partially still believe that about myself.
Patrick my boyfriend is proud of me, tells me I'm gorgeous and laughs at my jokes. He's never critical of how I do anything. He hardly drinks, he takes care of his himself in every way. He's respectful of the law and humans in general. He's virtually the opposite of my married ex alcoholic boyfriend. He's everything I wished I could transform my ex into and then some.
I think I am just still so twisted even after a year apart form the ex that it's hard to recognize those little obstacles as being little. I expect them to blow up. I'm waited for the perverbial other show to drop. All the while digging the hole deeper.
I know how you feel. When EVERYONE pushed the nice guy who was interested in me (now we are great friends) i got angry because at the time i was already with J and was mad that they didn't have much nice to say about him and that we were totally opposite. In looking back, they were right, not me but i still don't have that feeling with the other one.
You mentioned above about creating trauma because of your past early on. That EXACT sort of thing happened to my exabf and that's how he lives his life. I wouldn't wish that type of lifestyle on anyone. I'm so sorry you go through that too. That inturn is the reason why we didn't work. I think, that i am that "nice girl" like you mention about your bf. Not that i'm a goody two shoes but i don't have any chaos and drama and i think that J couldn't stand the "status quo" that i lived. He needs life to be upside down. Some do from what i gather here.....
I know how you feel, believe me i run at those guys in the past and deserved these jerks. But, i'm not going to do that again, it's too painful and distructive.