hbb, I feel like I am pushing away the same kind of guy (a guy who treats me like gold) but after the jerk that i thought I deserved and maybe partially still believe that about myself.
Patrick my boyfriend is proud of me, tells me I'm gorgeous and laughs at my jokes. He's never critical of how I do anything. He hardly drinks, he takes care of his himself in every way. He's respectful of the law and humans in general. He's virtually the opposite of my married ex alcoholic boyfriend. He's everything I wished I could transform my ex into and then some.
I think I am just still so twisted even after a year apart form the ex that it's hard to recognize those little obstacles as being little. I expect them to blow up. I'm waited for the perverbial other show to drop. All the while digging the hole deeper.