I came into recovery at 22..something wasn't right.lol
I'm also ACOA. I remember taking a sip of my dad's drink at
the age of 4-5..I liked that crazy feeling . Alcohol was always
around me my entired life..I thought it was the natural thing
to do as I got older. Everybody was doing it.
My mom dosen't drink thou..I'm not really sure if i got my
crazies more from my mom or my dad.
Just that ..not to get into specifics..I lived in constant
fear. I wasn't allowed to express my emotions...
some people trun it inward..others act out.
I guess...liquaring a baby or child..is that.
Numing out a child. Not a allowing a child to express or process
emotions
I've alway thought i could out run the past...but it bites
me in my ass everytime. While I've worked through a lot
of my baggages. I didn't even belived the concept of the onions
until ..it comes up and bites me in the ass again.
Thou..I'm alot more well than I've been in my life.
I still struggle with a lot of issues. I keep plucking away
at it.
Obviousely..my ex-agf deems that I should leave the past
in the past...if she got drunk yesterday and wreack the damn
house..she would say..that was the past. while i still have
to pay for the damages into the future, future.
how dose that effect me ?...well it's the samething..
Not allowing me to process my emotions and always
picking up damn messes in my life...it's familar to me.
Obviouesly..she rather run ..who the hell wants responsiblities
and repairing crap ? As if my alcoholic father didn't leave me
for dead either. It's nothing new to me.
This is where my childhood comes into play..Where, when
how and why i started picking up all these traits.
I don't know...i have abandentment issues..
From my childhood or my aduilthood ??? Both.
They feel the same any who.
I'm not reacting like i use too...but don't
expect me to not feel anything either.
I'm a an alki or a codi ?...I'm ME
and i refuse to run away from my problems anymore.
I'm not goig to drink over it or seek escapism anymore.