Originally Posted by
Kindeyes 
I guess I wonder though......did I allow myself to be in that "second" position?
To my X, I very much WAS in second position, after acquiring whatever substance he craved. There was nothing I could to about it.
To myself, I was never in second position. When I could no longer reconcile the two, and it became clear that it would never change, I was forced to leave.
If I am going to go to the work of being in a partnership, we have to be one another's number one (after self-nurturing of course) Healthy relationships are tricky enough without a Stoli bottle in bed between us.