Originally Posted by
Kindeyes 
I guess I wonder though......did I allow myself to be in that "second" position? If I would have done something differently, would it still have happened? I know that I can't change the past but I am trying to reflect on my own behaviors and wonder if my son would have turned to alcohol anyway. I guess it's really a waste of my time to wonder that. What is just is. I guess I would like to talk to people who are in AA to better understand the disease from their perspective. Other than my son (who understandably) doesn't really want to talk to me about it, I haven't really talked to an alcoholic in recovery.
You may have a point...as individuals our perceptions and actions differ...but the one constant in the equation is alcohol or drugs (this applies to all addictions)...the addicted person puts him/herself second to the addiction so those in the near vicinity like family and friends are most certainly second or further down the list...we must always keep in mind that the addiction is all powerful until help is requested or pursued.
Sometimes in our borderline codependent love we allow treatment that we would otherwise find unacceptable...this too will end when we are no longer comfortable in that situation. JMHO (alcoholic in recovery)