I attended open AA meetings; only once in a while now. There are many double winners in my Al-Anon groups, several of whom are my friends. I take their word for it: quit coddling the alcoholic and they chose to get sober on their own terms. One explained it to me this way: if you say to me I will leave you if you don't get sober, I don't give a damn. If you actually leave me, I might be forced to see the choices I am making.
I'm not saying everyone should leave; this is just an example. I think it sums up "actions, not words," which, in my opinion works for both the addict and non-addict.
Visiting the alcoholics forum here also is interesting and informative. One thing I really notice is the talk tends to be about their own recovery, not what is going on in the lives of those around them.