He chose the bottle...
"He chose the bottle over me (us)." I have seen these words on this forum over and over and it concerns me. It implies that the bottle was more important than the people involved with the alcoholic. It implies that those very special and wonderful people involved with the alcoholic are unimportant or are being discarded. It makes me sad.
Unfortunately, I don't really believe that the alcoholic chooses the bottle over his/her loved ones. This disease is so awful. They don't choose to be alcoholic, and they have no control (choice) over it. Recovery for the alcoholic is like the insulin to the diabetic. Insulin doesn't cure the disease. And if the diabetic refuses to believe they are a diabetic and if they refuse to take their insulin or eat right, you can't force them to do it. They don't choose to be diabetic. They can't "will" themselves to get better any more than the diabetic can will themselves not to have diabetes.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we (loved ones of the A) are not unimportant. We are not "second" to the bottle. We are dealing with people with an insidious disease that literally damages their internal organs and their brain. They are very very sick people. Ultimately, it is not that they are choosing the bottle over you. They are in denial that they have a disease and they are refusing to "take their insulin" (recovery).
Since we can't force them to recognize their disease and we can't force them to recover, we have to do what we have to do for US (and our children or family).
I apologize if this sounds preachy. It just makes me sad to see so many of you putting yourselves in second place behind the bottle. Placing ourselves FIRST and recognizing that we ARE more important than the bottle is a tiny little baby step toward our own recovery.
Take care of yourselves!
gentle hugs