Second guessing? Moi?
Actually, I am not. I did do what was right for me at the time.
Number one, I really don't think he would have made this much progress if I had still been hovering around enabling him. The last time he was in rehab, he just hunkered down and stuck it out to the end because he knew full good and well that I was taking care of everything for him and that all he had to do was play the game for a few months and then he could go right back to his old life and his old habits and his old secrets. Which, of course, is exactly what he did.....He did fine until he was released from probation and didn't have to do weekly pee tests anymore. Then it was right back to the meth pipe....and I went right back to insanity.
This time he had to do it all by himself. I wouldn't sponsor him. I wouldn't send him cigarettes. I wouldn't visit. I divorced him legally, and I divorced him physically. He was on his own. This time if he wins the fight, the victory is totally his.
I have "played the tape all the way through" many times since I saw him last week. I would have to see him maintain his sobriety for a l--o--n--g time before I could ever trust him again.
My life now is too good to ever think of going back to what it used to be, but it doesn't mean that I am not still grieving.
Mwah!
Babs