(((((christin)))))
You are very brave, and I know you will be ok. You need to provide your kids with a safe place- as well as yourself. I have one daughter with my AH. He is not physically abusive, but he is emotionally and mentally abusive. He is good to our daughter- but to me it is a different story. I am sure we hid problems pretty well, but it wasn't doing her any good for me to be so miserable- and living with the chaos of my AH. He actually left me 4 months ago. I wasn't ready to leave, so in many ways I am grateful he left. I am looking at it as his gift- even though he didn't intend it that way. My life with our daughter is so much calmer. That's not to say I am doing great. I am a wreck and so incredibly sad at times, but I KNOW now that not being with him is the best for us. He is not owning his part in our dysfunctional relationship. I don't know if he is still drinking, but he is so delusional, that I think something is going on. I used to think I was staying in our marriage for our daughter- but a little voice inside me kept wondering what about me??? It's better to have one healthy parent than both together in the insanity. GPJude said it so well- it's the loss of a dream- but her kids are better off now, and I know my daughter will be ok if I am. You are not alone. Please keep us up on what is going on, and give yourself time. Change is very hard, but it can be for the good. I'm trying to remember that every day.