You're right marle, she's hurting and wants to share the pain. I went through this with my alcoholic mother. As a young girl she would tell me she hated me. She threw a glass of whiskey in my face once too that burned my eyes.
It really was about all the pain she felt in her own heart that she projected on to me. She hated herself like so many of them do, and had to make someone else (me) feel hated too,.
I know that now. I didn't know that then. You can imagine what a messed up kid I was.
She's fortunate to have a mom like you. Some day, she's going to see this. It might take a while, but she will come around with age and maturity.
Hugs to you marle. I know how painful these kind of remarks can be.
PS I just now read Anns post. How true! She doesn't really hate you, she hates herself and doesn't feel worthy of that love and wants you to take it back. Hmmm. Talk about another "eureka" moment for me.